I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
