it hurts more in the daytime
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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