I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
