remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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