cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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