Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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