oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
