Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
