you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
