He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
