just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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