i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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