textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And the cops told us we were all naked.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
