I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
