So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
