Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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