Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
