i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
