she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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