They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
