he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
