I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
