Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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