are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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