Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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