I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
