JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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