I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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