its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
