I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
