i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He passed out mid-signature
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
