How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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