Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
