what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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