these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
