it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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