youre lurking in front of me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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