my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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