best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So squirting runs in the family.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
