She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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