How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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