Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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