Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize