The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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