He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
