Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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