We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
