so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
