I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
