DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
