are you still at the devil's house?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
