He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
