I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
