I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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