I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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