we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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