Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
