Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
two words: eviction party
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
