mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
