No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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