If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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