the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
