I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
