I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
