i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
