wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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