Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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