I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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