I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize