I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
