Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
