I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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