please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
