Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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