I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
