pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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