Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
