Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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