Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
