he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
