I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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