The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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