dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
