btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
